tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post150346633187556099..comments2023-11-05T05:22:20.262-05:00Comments on whatchu talkin bout willis?: i'm feeling starved.taniawillishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14913589739176314819noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-36561495953189796262010-09-14T15:58:01.251-04:002010-09-14T15:58:01.251-04:00melanie....if they won't talk, talk to yoursel...melanie....if they won't talk, talk to yourself through cathartic scrapbooking. i'm telling you it was SO helpful. i wish i could run the class again. it's in the process of being converted to e-book format. of course you'll know when it's ready here on the blog. :)<br /><br />in the meantime, feel free to email me any time.<br /><br />huge (((((HUGS))). i still stick to my guns in that i don't think "time heals all pain", but time sure does make it sting a little less. the pain fades away and the cream rises to the top, so to speak.taniawillishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913589739176314819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-65295125942254636682010-09-14T14:13:49.646-04:002010-09-14T14:13:49.646-04:00Tania ... THANK YOU. You are entirely correct in ...Tania ... THANK YOU. You are entirely correct in all you said ... I do know the few times (three times to be exact) that I brought Mom up in front of everyone, nothing was said and everyone acted like they didn't hear me. Turned away. <br />Anyway, thank you so very very much. It is so hard to know to whom to ask the hard questions. (is that grammatically correct? not sure...)<br />Anyway, I will quit taking up your blog space ...sending huge hugs to you.<br />Oh, I didn't take that class by the way ... I wasn't ready then.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-40558446086824271982010-09-13T16:17:53.528-04:002010-09-13T16:17:53.528-04:00nikki....thank you sweet friend! oh, how i miss y...nikki....thank you sweet friend! oh, how i miss your company. i need more of you in my life. :) and yes, He is with me. (and now i'm singing Mandisa's "He is with You", LOL).taniawillishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913589739176314819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-52851191713960557512010-09-13T16:00:18.987-04:002010-09-13T16:00:18.987-04:00melanie, my mom passed away july 19, 2007...over 3...melanie, my mom passed away july 19, 2007...over 3 years ago now.<br /><br />i can tell you this. the anxiety/dread you are feeling is more than likely because you aren't sure you want to talk about it yet yourself. possibly? or fear that the pain/sting of death is going to rip you open and take you back to the raw realness of the truth---which is, she's gone and isn't coming back. that's such a hard truth to accept and oftentimes you accept it only to find yourself months later questioning it and having that deep longing that she'll walk through the door tomorrow.<br /><br />i've been there, i completely understand.<br /><br />everyone handles grief differently. for me, the tough moments are when i'm by myself and it washes over me. the easiest moments are sharing memories or talking about it with others who knew her. the relating to others and knowing i'm not the only one feeling this way. but i can tell you, it easy for me to tell who's uncomfortable (read: squirming on the inside) and who isn't when talking about it. i'm sure you'll be able to tell too. they turn cold, uninterested, make a snide remark. whatever it be, it is their way of coping.<br /><br />there's no right or wrong. just comfortable or uncomfortable.<br /><br />i'm not sure there is a timeline for when the dread will go away. quite possibly everyone else wants to talk about her, but isn't sure how others will react, so it becomes the white elephant in the room. does that makes sense? my suggestion would be to take it upon yourself to do something to pay tribute to your mom during that holiday so it becomes more of an ice-breaker...to ease into conversation.<br /><br />maybe that means baking her signature dish, or making a small framed ornament with a picture of her in it to give to each sibling, or putting together a movie using pictures of her and burning it to DVDs to give. or donating to her favorite charity or the charity that represented her illness on behalf of the family. all very simple tasks if you can remove yourself emotionally. (FYI: Windows Movie Maker is a free download and very easy to use.)<br /><br />there have been a few family holiday gatherings where it was easy to talk about mom, and others where the pain was so obviously fresh that mid-conversation the subject is changed. and other gatherings where life went on as if nothing has changed.<br /><br />i think the most healing thing for me was putting together the In Loving Memory scrapbook album---you were in that class, right? <br /><br />i'm not sure i have an answer for you sweetie, but ask yourself this: what is it that i'm dreading? is it the conversation? is it the reaction from my siblings? is it fear of that raw emotion ripping you open again? once you pinpoint what it is, it's easier to face it square on and overcome the obstacle.taniawillishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913589739176314819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-86026227280673224952010-09-13T15:35:11.491-04:002010-09-13T15:35:11.491-04:00Oh, Tania, my heart hurts for you. You are seen.....Oh, Tania, my heart hurts for you. You are seen...you are known...you are loved by our Father. Praying your heart takes refuge and finds comfort in Him today. And praying that He will bring into your life one with whom you can have a deep connection and kindredness as you share and live life. I love you, friend.Nikkihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03012295266989416379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12485874.post-60658388879338893422010-09-13T15:31:16.564-04:002010-09-13T15:31:16.564-04:00Me too.
This line
It doesn’t interest me to know...Me too. <br />This line<br />It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.<br />made me close my eyes and breathe very deeply. Reminded me of my mom ... but then so much still does. <br />Okay, a question ... a deep question. LOL. <br />My mom passed away a year and a half ago. I am not sure when your mom did? ... but anytime my siblings and I get together, I immediately dread it and we spend the whole time avoiding talking about her. How long does that last? Will it ever go away?<br />hey, you wanted deep conversation! and it has been on my mind lately with the holidays coming up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com