Friday, October 22, 2010

these people...

this girl....

this boy, and this girl.....

and this girl....

they are my rock right now. my foundation. my pillars of strength. through thick and thin, they; encourage me. inspire me. uplift me. soften me. and challenge me to live life more abundantly even in the face of adversity.

as you might have guessed by my lack of personal sharing and abundance of scrapbook shares, there's a lot on my plate lately.

when that happens, i tend to pull into myself, i become emotional, and introverted. i feel vulnerable in the worst way right now. introverting is a defense mechanism, i know.

truth is......we are struggling right now. i'm usually an open book, but i've kept quite a bit of our medical struggles to myself the past 2 months.

i'm too exhausted to detail it, so all, i'm going to say now is:

in the past 40 days we've been to the doctor 15 times. FIFTEEN.
2 skin cancer appts for ashlyn
2 MRIs for me
3 neurology appts for me
1 EEG for me
1 primary appt for me (got strep throat)
2 primary appts for the girls (one with strep)
3 blood draws to monitor chemo level & liver enzymes for ashlyn
1 flu shot for ashlyn

and i've been to the pharmacy just as many times.

and there are more on the horizon. in fact, we'll be back for one Monday morning, unless we head to the ER before then. spidergirl is struggling right now. but still with a smile on her face.

if it wasn't for her smile, i'd be a basket-case by now.

if you're the praying type, we could really use your prayers right now. i'm having a really hard time staying positive and not getting overwhelmed on how we're going to make ends meet.

these doctors all expect their co-pays up front. $30 a pop. times FIFTEEN. in just over a month.

i didn't chose this path of medical chaos for my family. but, God did.

there is a reason.

i've yet to figure it out. but history has always revealed a reason for every other trial. i learned long ago to expected the unexpected and know that {unexpected} detours are always a part of the journey. i just wish the detours weren't so turbulent.

i'm SO ready to get out of the valley and start living on the mountaintop. anytime now.

ps.....thanks for letting me be open and honest. i'm working on not introverting and being more transparent.


  1. Sending positive thoughts, hugs, and prayers...
    you inspire me how you keep going with such a positive outlook!
    :hug: :hug:

  2. I don't know if you are supposed to tell a person that she is on a prayer list? But you are. Have been since this past Sunday and will be again next week. Imagine, 10 people (my Bible study group) all praying for all of you!
    I do hope it gets better - it seems (well, it IS, not it SEEMS) you are all going through so much.

  3. You know you and the fam are in my prayers, sweet friend. I am glad to be there for you whenever you need it ---- wish I were closer though.

    Gosh, we need to meet up again so we can get a better photo [of me]. :)

  4. heh. Sarasota, don't let my positivity in this one post fool you. i have my moments of doubt and, ahem, shall we say 'unpleasantness'. many of them. just ask my sweet friend sherry. and my husband.

    thank God they are so forgiving and wear their blinders around me, LOL.

    but thank you for the hugs, prayers, and most of all checking in on me here. (((HUGS))) right back at ya.

    melanie....thank you. i appreciate it. immensely.

    sherry.....gosh, how can we make that happen!? not that you need a better photo or anything. i just wanna SEEEEEEEEEE YOU.

  5. Hi,
    I have been a silent visitor to your blog for quite some time! You and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers! Hope things start to look up soon....hang in there! You are such an inspiration to me!

  6. ah cindy....thank you---for coming out of your silence and your precious prayers. thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

  7. I'm the same introvert when things aren't going well. Praying for you and your family. Keep your chin up and know that God never gives us more than we can handle.

  8. Dude. Totally continuing to think of you and offer up prayers. Thanks for the update and please know that the thoughts continue even when you don't feel up to sharing (which, imo, is totally understandable).

  9. thanks for the reminder meghann. :)

    and amanda, thank you. i was just thinking about you yesterday and your sweet gesture last christmas with the feather inside the ornament. i'm missin' my mama baaaaaaaad this week. but thinking of unpacking that again this year made me smile for a moment.

  10. *smooches* thank you vicki. you're a sweetheart.

  11. Oh, Tania. I wish I could be as courageous and transparent as you. You show your strength every single time I read your blog.I tend to hold everything in. You will get through this.Just know, though that being transparent isn't a requirement, that's for sure. Just do what is right for you. Big hugs - Definitely thinking and praying for you and your family :)

  12. Tania, We do not live in glass houses and you don't have to share everything with us (you can if and when you like to share) and pulling into yourself is natural (I think it is because I do it)you have a great support system and lean on them, since they are living it with you they can understand what is happening with you and offer you the proper support even if the girls silly jokes, silly outfits and their great smiles and from your earlier post, you have a wonderful hubby. {{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers. We are here for you.

  13. Tania, I want you to know I'm praying for you and your family. It is hard to remember that God loves you more than you can imagine, but He does. Remember that the Lord does things on His time, not on ours. Have faith.
    Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.

  14. Tania, Just want you to know I've been praying for you and I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way. (((hugs)))

  15. I will put you and your family in my prayers.


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