drama, drama, drama...

{{{{yeah, this post is days old by now. forgive me?}}}}

ahhhh.
the dreaded drop-off the first day of school.
let me fill you in....
the whining, crying and tantrums started 3 hours before we even had to leave the house.

it's pre-K for goodness sakes.

you see, i have a daughter who can't do anything without me. nothing. she can't be more than 10 feet away from me or daddy without having a meltdown. mostly away from me though.

she hates change. any change.

she won't go to a friends house alone. won't stay at a birthday party alone. won't stay overnight with grandparents. for hours this morning she yelled at me at the top of her lungs----she's 4 1/2

"i hate school"
"i don't wanna go to school mommy"

just a few days ago i was thrilled to find out that she has the same teachers this year. thinking....wow, this will be sooooo easy. no "getting to know you" phase to work through. she already knows them and loves them. so much for that thought, eh?

now, part of me wants to scream.
part of me wants to keep her home and hold her tight all day.
part of me wants to drop her off and come home and throughly enjoy the silence for the next 3 hours (well, almost. i still have a 20mo. old at home)
and ALL of me wants her to grow up now.

but really it all seems so minute compared to what i've watched on tv the past few days.
talking 9/11.
going back 5 years now.....
sitting at my desk in canton.....pregnant with ashlyn. i heard about the first plane hitting from a co-worker....what a horrible accident, we all thought. then minutes later he returned to tell me of another. i instantly knew it was no accident. i think the world stood still momentarily. actually many thought it was coming to an end. i couldn't get through to anyone. all circuits busy. i was numb. sat at my desk in shock. we weren't told to go home......in fact we went into lockdown and couldn't leave. i was in canton with no family other than doug. then it started. roar after roar. airplanes re-routed and directed to land at akron-canton. one after another. with every one going overhead, the anxiety increased. on a normal day you thought they were going to crash into the building----the airport was that close. so on this day, you can imagine the feeling. i didn't actually see anything on tv about it until late that evening. then doug and i went out to get some necessities....milk, bread, water. it was an eery feeling that night. living in a flight path to the airport and not hearing any airplanes was odd.

i had a hard time understanding the impact of what exactly happened that day. i was scared to death at what the days ahead would bring. what kind of world were we bringing a child into?

i must admit that i honestly did not understand what happened that day until just this last week. after watching 9/11 a documentary by Gideon and Jules Naudet. these two men were actually filming a documentary on the firehouse the day of the attacks. they captured RAW, unedited footage of everything that happened that day..........including the first plane hitting the building all through the first responders, second plane, building collapsing (with them inside at the time), every. single. thing. wow. watching it, i can say that it is an absolute miracle that more people didn't pass on that tragic day. very moving. very touching. i actually reserved it from the library to watch again since i missed the first 30 minutes of the 2 hour taping.

which then brings me to my next project.
i would totally love to bring thoughts from my family and friends together about the attacks. isn't it bizarre to think that we lived history? for whatever reason i am having a hard time grasping that. anywho...i have a sweet friend who gave me a disk of over a hundred images that were taken that day. some from the media, some from a friend living in NY. words cannot describe what was captured in these pictures. i really want to put together an album with these pictures and notes from family and friends just telling where you were when you heard of the attacks, what were your thoughts, how it changed your way of living....and so on. hopefully i can twist the arms of all my family members to participate. i'm sure it won't be done without a fight. *wink*

anywho.....more tomorrow on the happening the past week!
exciting things going on around here. can't wait to share!