Monday, December 15, 2008

i suppose it's par for the course.

(please bear with me today. i want to keep it real here. things aren't always hunkydory, peachy-keen. tomorrow, i'll bring sunshine and smiles. but today, i must grieve.)

today is just....eh. feeling down, and full of grief, and a bit discouraged. i had such a vivid dream last night. one with my mom in it. then i woke up and realized..........it was just a dream. none of it was real.

she's still gone. forever.

i hate those kind of dreams. the kind that cause me to be pulled violently back into the grieving process and so rudely reminded that today is another day without my mom--another holiday coming and going without mom. i want her back.

holidays are especially hard. i miss her.

i miss her smile. i miss how she always wrote "from: Santa" on my gifts even when i was 29. i miss how her whole face lit up everytime we pulled in the driveway for a visit. i miss ordering chinese takeout together. i miss her scent. i miss the warm fragrance of vanilla as you entered her home. i miss seeing the love she poured into baking pies during the holiday. i miss spritz cookies with the cookie press. and chocolate crinkles too. i miss seeing her interact with my girls. i miss dropping in and sitting at her table to sneak in a few crossword answers while she wasn't looking.

i just miss her.

and then i realize once again..........i only have one parent left. and that scares the living daylights out of me.

i can't lose my dad.........please Lord, don't take my dad.

***************************
doug tells me the winner is.................lisadwb! lisa, email me at taniamwillis at (yahoo.com) with your address! (ps...........jeff perry! YOU are awesome, dude! do you accept freelance writing work? i might just need you to blog someday too, LOL!)

today..........gobs and gobs of ribbon.
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47 comments:

  1. Ribbon - A scrapbookers best friend. You can never have enough. What a great RAK! Thanks for another giveaway. Hang in there holidays are always hard when you are missing your loved ones. The grieving process is difficult but time does help heal the heart.

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  2. I'm sorry you're missing your Mom. Your post reminded me to call my parents and just talk about nothing.

    Thanks for the giveaway...I LOVE RIBBONS!

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  3. Sorry you're mom can't be here for all the wonderful Holiday things. Makes me want to cherish every moment with my family. I'm glad you have so many memories of her!!

    Thanks for the giveaway - I would love some ribbon, I don't have very much!!

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  4. You brought a tear to my eye, My heart goes out to you.

    Thanks for the sweet giveaways chance... Ribbon... can never have enough ribbon :0)

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  5. Ah I am so sorry you are feeling down. It makes me want to cherish what I have but I am sorry you are sad.

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  6. Tania,

    I don't know you but I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Thanks for all your generous giveaways.

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  7. I'm sorry about your mom. My dad passed away 14 years ago, and I stil have bad day too. Hugs.~ML

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  8. Just remember to pray to God and he will be with you when you feel down. "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it!"

    Unfortunately, I too know what it is like to lose a close family member. Holidays are tough times, but then I look around at the wonderful family that I have here on Earth and know that things will be ok. We'll see our lost family members again in Heaven one day.

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now. Holidays can be tough when you're missing a loved one.
    Congrats to yesterdays winner.

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  10. I am so sorry you are having an off day. My dad has been gone for years and I really don't have a great relationship with my mom, plus she lives far away. Enjoy what you have, cherish the memories.
    Thanks for the drawing.

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  11. I'm going to call my mom and remind her of my love. Thanks for sharing....you're in my prayers!

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  12. I'm sorry you are feeling sad today. Hope you find some comfort!

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  13. i'm sorry to hear about ur loss losing a parent is never easy my mom passed away 5 years ago and when we go 4 a visit i still except to hear the clang of her knitting needles but time eases our pain and sorrow and we have to learn to live with it memories are wonderful though they bring us sadness and happiness we will be thinking of you and praying 4 you

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  14. The grief never really goes away, does it? I have moments like that, too...where all of the sudden I am sad in the middle of a perfectly normal day. Hope you are comforted in a good way today.

    Thanks for the RAK, too...

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  16. God bless your heart dear. Take time to grief. We all need that every now and then. And it is especially hard during this time of the year. Tearsure the time with you have now with your dad.

    Love the bright colors of the ribbons. Thank you for doing this even when you are down. Take care.

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  17. I am so sorry to hear it is a rough one. I do understand. They sneak up and hit you out of no where sometimes though. I lost my Dad very suddenly almost 11 years ago and I still have days like this. Big Hugs and memories are good things even is they sometimes make you sad.

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  18. Dang... I shouldn't read blogs while at work... because then it's hard to explain the tears!

    **hugs**

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  19. It's so difficult to lose a parent...I lost my father over 30 years ago and I still think of him constantly!

    On a happier note...the ribbons are beautiful!

    Grandma Shelley

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  20. I found your blog through Stephanie, and I really like it :)
    I hope you have people around you who can help you through days like this.

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  21. Tania, I hope you are feeling better. Your words remind me that I need to appreciate the little things in my life that I take for granted. Thank you for that reminder.

    PS. I really enjoyed your husbands blog entry yesterday, tell Doug he needs to give you a day off more often.

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  22. I am so sorry for your loss!!! I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. My dad is really old (78 years)...and I always worry about him. He's in great health, but you never know what God has planned!! I am a true believer that God only gives us what we can handle! Just remember that she is always with you in your heart and she will always be there for you!!I think that writing about her can be therapuetic...so, keep it going!!

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  23. My husband lost his parents when he was in high school. He moved 800 miles away the next year. And this year, we're spending Christmas with his sister and her family for the first time. It's been over 25 years since he's spent a Christmas at "home". He could never take time off at Christmas, we always go at Thanksgiving. So i hope he can make it through.

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  24. Sorry to hear about ur mom. It must be hard easpcailly at Christmas...
    I love ribbon!!! Good luck to everyone:)

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  25. I'm sorry you're missing your mom...my own mom is "getting up there" and I count my blessings I still have her - my grandma died when Mom was 28. Hang on to those happy memories, 'kay?

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  26. Hugs. Hope you are feeling better tomorrow. Have a Merry Christmas! Heather.D.W

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  27. I lost my dad four years ago this January - my thoughts are with you. Some days you feel like it was yesterday that they were here.

    Thanks for being so honest with us.

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  28. sorry your missing your mum. i lost my dad almost 10 years ago when i was only 24, keep the precious memories close to your heart. thanks for the opportunity to win the ribbon, i have a ribbon fetish

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  29. Oh my gosh, I am sorry for your loss. We have that in common. I lost my mom over the summer. I dreamt of her last night too. This is our first Christmas without her & it's SO hard. I cried in the bathroom as I was getting dressed this morning.

    Nothing can ever replace a mother.

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  30. Ribbon!! Who doesnt love robbon?? Sorry to hear that you are having a hard day. Keep your head up!
    DeeW

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  31. I know its not the same as having your mom (Aunt Sue) make them but I made chocolate crinkles this weekend and can bring you a big plate of them to you! Just email me at kellyc21578@att.net with directions to your house and I will bring them over!

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  32. I am so sorry you are missing your mom. My dad passed away 2 years ago in Feb and not a day goes by that I don't think about and miss him. If you ever need to chat feel free to email me. robin.valera@yahoo.com

    Take care

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  33. Oh Tania, I can't help tearing. I feel like giving you a hug..

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  34. fillheartwithlove12/15/2008 09:18:00 PM

    This post just reminded all of us to cherish those around us. Most of the time, we just take them for granted, untill they are not there anymore...

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  35. Tania,
    So sorry you were feeling down today. I haven't lost either of my parents yet, but I can only imagine the empty space that'll be there when they're gone.
    (If I happen to win, don't worry about sending me the ribbon - I have enough. Just wanted to post to tell you {hugs}.)

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  36. Sorry to hear about your rough day.
    Holidays are always harder on you when your missing a loved one.


    Cool givaway, who doesnt love ribbons.

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  37. sorry for your mom.....a kiss from your girls could put a smile in your heart...

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  38. Tania,
    I emailed you ... thank you for replying. Things will get better.

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  39. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. You have reminded me that family is important and time spending with them is time getting to know them better. Thank you.

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  40. I'm sorry about your mom. Holidays are always the hardest when someone we love is not there. Thanks for a chance to win.

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  41. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the reminder to cherish our family members while we can.

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  42. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'm lucky enough to still have both my parents, and can't imagine what it would be like. The holidays must be the hardest.
    - Brenda #3635

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  43. I just want to give you a long distance hug. I feel your pain, my dear.#5012 EVE

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  44. so sorry to hear about your pain..no its never easy losing a parent..I still miss both my parents ..my Dad died when I was only 16 years old ..much too, too young to lose a father..My Mom died 20 years after.. Christmases are extremly hard but time eases our pain..hope it helps to know that others are there with U in your pain!

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  45. I can completely understand what you are going through. I just lost my grandma in October and we were really close. I keep having dreams about her and its horrible to wake up and know she isn't here anymore. I hope you have a better day today! Take care.

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  46. My poor sweet Tania. I cannot imagine your pain. I cannot imagine your heartache. Words escape me. I can only give give you the biggest hug . let you know that I love you. I am here and I am so sorry.

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