Thursday, August 26, 2010

i decided that i'm a freak of nature....

and i'm quite tired of being the let's wait an see approach to medicine.

and gosh, i hate to hear myself talk lately.

i'm on day 11 of a continual headache. can you see why? *hint* look at my eyes.

new symptoms keep showing themselves, and i'm confident before long i'll have a true diagnosis. i'm learning huge lessons in trust and patience. my doctors have said that it's quite obvious that there's something systemic going on with me, they just can't place their finger on it yet.

it's hard not to get frustrated. most days, i hold it together. some days, i melt into a puddle of tears. you'll understand why by the end of this post.

i mentioned on monday about spending time at the eye doctor, then being sent to a specialist and leaving his office 4 hours later with a hopeful "let's wait and see i think it will resolve on it's own--call me in a week" plan of attack. okay, whatever, i'm annoyed, but can deal for a week.

well, then tuesday at work, the headache became remarkably worse and every time i bent over or stood up, i felt this headrush that made my head feel like it was going to burst, followed by instantaneous blurry vision that lingered. up until then the blurry and double would fade in and out. so i called his office again and left a message for the nurse.

at 9pm i get a call saying come back in tomorrow for an appointment. that appointment was yesterday. and after another 3 hours at his office he says, i know a whole lot about eyes, but not a whole lot about headaches in relation to the eyes so i'm referring you out to another specialist.

oh joy.
so on wednesday morning i get to see an Neurologist.

in the meantime, here's what's happening to my eyes. you'll just have to excuse the unkempt eyebrows and no makeup because that's the last thing on my mind right now.

looking at a diagonal to my right...right eye won't abduct (move away from midline). *yes, i know left from right...remember a camera mirrors the image.*

looking straight up...right eye stays adducted.
looking down....right eye still adducted.
looking to my left.......right eye adducts perfectly, LOL. maybe i should just go around looking to my left all day. hahahaa. actually, it hurts to look this way even though it looks normal. major straining sensation in my right temple.
and this is now the scary part for me. looking to my right, i have no control over the muscles of my right eyelid. the right eye will not abduct & my eyelid immediately drops & flutters. and stays closed as long as i'm trying to look to the right.

then, i get a massive gripping headache and feel exhausted.

oh, and if i look to the right for more than five seconds, i lose control of the ability to keep open my left eyelid too. if i force the eyelid open during this time the eye is obviously not even attempting to look to the far right.
now that you've tried to look every which way while reading this and i have your eyes all watery just thinking about it i wish you a pain-free day free of visual disturbances!

seriously, now. don't take those eyes for granted, ya hear me?

now i'm off to countdown the hours until i get to go see the next specialist and drop another wad of cash down for the copay. i'm going broke. $100 just in the past week. *sigh* copays suck.

happy thoughts tania.....happy thoughts. i try. i really do try.

give me something to laugh about would ya? down there in the comments. please. i love to hear from each and every one of you. xoxo, tania


  1. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

    Pretty lame excuse for trying to make you laugh - I just wish I could give you a hug right now and praying that you find out an answer with this new specialist.(((((HUGS)))))

  2. Oh Tania, you my friend will be in my thoughts and prayers! I pray for answers QUICK! Thinking of you . . .

  3. Well, NOW I have pictures to show my oldest - it is TRUE, you cross your eyes, they get stuck!
    Actually, I have been scolding him for crossing his eyes lately, so this might work.
    I am sorry ... I just don't understand why all this is happening to you. Again, I will keep you in my prayers ... I know 'they' say God doesn't give you more than you can bear ... I just wish you could have a little break!
    If you need anything please let me know. Having two kids just starting back to school and this to cope with can NOT be easy. Winging hugs your way.

  4. hahahaha, melanie. that made me laugh out loud. too funny. i remember my parents telling me that too. even when i rolled my eyes.

    thank you for your hugs & prayers ladies. i really appreciate all the pleading on my behalf.

  5. Tania, I am so sorry. I sure hope that you get some answers soon.

  6. Oh my!! I hope you have some answers and relief soon!

    Want a chuckle - just envision my one year old trying to brush the puppy's teeth...with HER toothbrush!!

  7. Hopefully the Neurologist will know what to do!! and you got your appointment fast..that is amazing in itself!! {{{{HUGS>HUGS}}}} I hope the girls are adapting to school with no problems and everything else at home is peaceful. Prayers for you and your health!!

  8. Trying to think of something funny right now & nothing is coming to me...

    Hoping help & answers come soon without too much more out-of-pocket expenses... :-(

  9. I've never heard of this before---is there a name for an eye that stays adducted?
    Hope you get a solution and QUICK!!!!!!!

    OKAY maybe this will get you to laugh....
    and I'll try to make it short and YES this is a true story.

    This postal carrier has a 21 year old son that is "slow" but husky built--strong. She had to leave him by himself one day so she could deliver the mail. About an hour later--he called and told her "I have a troll in the closet". Not thinking much of it she told him that was okay and she would be home soon. Couple hours later---he called her and said the same thing. she gets home soon after and in his bedroom he has everything (bed, chest, everything) pushed up against his closet door. She tells him he has to put it back---then hears a knock on the closet door.
    When she finally can open the door there was the light company meter man inside the closet!
    He is a midget aka Troll!!!!!!!!

    Apparenty the boy had never seen a midget before but had seen trolls in books and therefore thought that he was indeed a troll.
    He was in the closet for 4 hours---the mother had to call his boss so he wouldn't get fired.

  10. OH TANIA!!! I'm so so sorry this is going on. I'll be praying that the answers will come quickly. And that it can be treated and cured quickly.

  11. thanks again ladies! *kisses* to you all.

    jodi, that's hysterical!

    VICKI, yes, there's a name for it. esotropia. the double vision is called diplopia.

    and ohmyheck. you've got to be kidding me about the troll story! i don't know whether to laugh or not. SO funny! poor guy. i hope he was able to laugh about it.

    and martha...thank you for your perspective. i didn't even think of the miracle it was to be able to get in to the neurologist so quickly---but you're right. usually any appointment with a specialist takes a least a month to be seen. God is good.


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