and they all flow together lately.

FIRST, i suppose i better announce a winner, eh? please forgive me for posting a giveaway and not coming back sooner. random.org tells me that: Kristin Troyer is the winner!!!! CONGRATS!!! please use that "email me" link under my photo to send me your mailing address so i can get your goodies in the mail.

and i suppose with that, ya'll might be wondering where i've been. my posts have been a bit sporadic at best. well........this is the post where i admit to myself that i'm overwhelmed. overwhelmed in a good way, but enough that it's still throwing my life a little out of balance. i crave balance. so i'm struggling a bit. and those pesky heart palpitations have reared their ugly heads lately. just a little reminder that i need to slow down and take better care to get proper rest and chillax. rest and chillax are not synonymous with me....at all.

lets see.......honestly, i don't even know where to begin and i think i've somehow forgotten how to form complete sentences, but updates are good even if they aren't grammatically correct, right? oh how i hope so. at least i know my family appreciates them. i don't want them starting to worry 'bout me with my lack of posting.

lately, i'm feeling incapable. no, not incapable.......more like stretched. yeah, stretched. like i can't add a single thing to my calendar or i might just fall off the deep end. i struggle with feeling like i'm the only one that gets overwhelmed.....but i'm thinking everyone does and maybe just don't feel comfortable admitting so. someone else talk about it and make me feel better, would ya? i'm rambling, i know.

i've got 10-minute-itis and i need to find me a cure--quick. my time on any given task is spent in 10 minute increments---or less. never more. 10 minutes folding clothes before i have to break up the next sibling squabble. 10 minutes loading the dishwasher before i am interrupted with the cries of spidergirl, my resident klutz, falling down the stairs and gashing her leg in desperate need of a band aid. 6 minutes into my morning shower before the meltdown begins from my diva girl, about not wanting to go to the eye doctor because she doesn't want to get drops in her eyes. (which is another story for another day.)

is there a secret to accomplishing something from start to finish in 10 minutes or less? if so, please do tell. because it's finally occurring to me that if the task takes more than 10 minutes, it just ain't gonna get done. such is the life of a mother with young kids. and i've got the evidence, also known as my beautifully messy house. i should be quite accustomed to it by now, but i still find myself asking "when does it get easier?" i'm trying hard to embrace all the changes while reminding myself of these words i shared back in january on the blog (whole post found here):

please promise me this.......promise me that you'll quit beating yourself up
over whatever shortcomings you have as a wife and mother and that you'll just
embrace who you are and continue this dance through life with a smile on your
face and joy in your heart knowing that you are PERFECT, just.the.way.you.are.
promise me that you'll quit trying to be all things to all people and give up
that supermom mentality. promise me that you'll always do your best and after
that you'll be proud of everything you do from this day forward, even if the end
result wasn't "perfect".

good reminder. anywho. this weird shift of change and feeling stretched is par for the course during the season of spring being that i work part-time at an accounting firm. taxes are the priority. anxiety is high and the air is thick with tension. every day. usually my job is a welcome retreat, a nice leisurely change of pace-- but not from january to april. i'll be adding more hours this week and will continue the increased workload through april.

funny thing is, i haven't even done my own taxes yet! the husband is buggin' to get 'em done so he can whisk me away for a weekend come May. that should be motivation enough to get working on them.

but, right now, i have a few other pressing deadlines on my plate, so the taxes just get added to the (never ending) list. i've recently added the workload from teaching another online class that i'm very excited about, but also super nervous about at the same time. i've always loved to teach, but this is one of those classes that makes me laugh a little, cry a lot and scares the crap out of me. i'm venturing into the land of the unknown, but i'm ready to test my strength and increase my faith and just watch something i'm passionate about resonate in the hearts and minds of the students.

there's such a delicate balance that needs to be maintained in the world of freelancing, especially when you're freelancing and have a family too.

with the extra workload right now, i find myself tripping and falling in this dance of life. i've been easily frustrated, the house cleaning is falling behind even though doug and i are both working tirelessly to keep order, and i'm struggling with keeping the balance....both externally and internally.

no longer are we moving gracefully. things are out of balance and i'm working to fall into an acceptable routine of housework and freelance work at the same time that my hours at work are increasing. words get spoken by us and the girls that come out one way and are interpreted another which makes for lots of misunderstandings and conversations trying to sort it all out. there's a lot of meltdowns and timeouts and apologizing going on and extra hugs and kisses being exchanged.

*sigh*

it's so hard being a mom. and even harder being a working mom. a working mom that works from home AND away from home.

the days are all flowing together, one day into the next, and right now it's hard for me to tell where one day ends and the next begins. this too shall pass. i know.

just typing it all out and not holding it in is somehow making me feel lighter and ready to tackle the tasks at hand. here's to a super productive day with little or no misunderstandings, two cooperative little girls, no demanding bosses or co-workers, and a few (hundred) more class registrations in my inbox.......a girl can dream, right?

happy thursday friends! more giveaways coming soon.......as soon as i find time to update this thing again, LOL.